SNAP

In Volume 11.4 of the Annals of Improbable Research is the superb article on
Sluggish Data Transport by Ami Ben-Bassat et al.

To the right is a snapshot from their paper. Note the mobile data storage backend, the organically engineered frontend, and the LGS (Lettuce-based Guidance Subsystem). And yes, their numbers, showing that the average number of bits moved by l'escargot per second is higher than broadband, are flawless.